A Letter To My Ex's

I saw this somewhere a long time ago, and I wanted to do it, but never have. For some reason, it just ppopped into my mind again after reading a letter I wrote to one of the two people I have loved with all my heart.

To Steven- Thank you for being my very first boyfriend, and for walking me home from school, and carrying my books for me. Thank you for introducing me to my first "bad" word which were your initials; ASS. I thought of your name when I named my own daughter.

To Mark- I remember you well; my first kiss. I was wearing white short overalls and we were sitting on a swingset. I was still young enough to think that we were truly in love. Regardless, thanks for the kiss. Im sorry I wasn't ready for more.

To Josh R.- You were an amazing guy. You still are from what I can see on Facebook. Our lives took separate directions, but we ended up living them. I dont know why we didnt work out. I guess we were just too young. I loved spending time with you. It is probably childish, but I still have the song "Patience" by Guns N Roses that you wrote for me on a sheet of paper. You are to this day the only person who has ever physically written a song on paper and handed it to me. You knew......that to get to my soul....was through music. It worked. I still cherish those words on that old piece of paper, and Im glad that we are friends.

To Josh L- There were a lot of drugs involved. I dont remember a lot. I remember us getting pulled over with all that pot in the car, and I remember your quick thinking on getting us out of it. I also remember our discovery of sex. Did we have a relationship or just a hookup a thousand times a day? Seriously, those were some good, fun times. I wish I knew where you were today.

To Joe- I was always convinced that you were totally out of my league. I found you to be one of the most attractive people I have ever met in my life, and when I dont hate you, I still think that. Thanks for getting me out of SC for a few years. I learned a lot in Cleveland. Thank you for teaching me that marriage is only for the wretched. Thank you for teaching me that there is NO ONE on this earth you can trust apart from yourself and children.I trusted you. I really did. I loved you so completely. Then, you betrayed me in the biggest way a person can. Still, thank you for my daughter. She is the only good thing about you. Good riddance asshole. I hope you have a miserable life with my ex best friend who lives in a castle on a cloud with her dirty morals and values. I can't fucking wait to get those divorce papers and name changes in my hands. I still have one more thing to ask of you. Stand up and be a father. You aren't hurting me. You are hurting her, and one day she will hate you for the way you treat her by not seeing her. When that day comes, and you question me as to why she hates you.....mark my words....I will simply laugh in your pretty face and walk the fuck away. You are the biggest asshole I've ever met, and I'm SICKENED that I ever trusted you at all.

Angie- I guess I cant put you here because technically I called you my girlfriend. Technically, you were my first girlfriend. Still, we make better friends. We even did back then too, just both of us were curious. I have loved every minute of having you in my life. I am so glad that you are more than a girlfriend to me....you are my best friend forever and always. Thank you for picking up my head when it falls to cry, for wanting to stab a bitch when she hurts me, for devising a plan to get back at the best friend who betrayed me. I cant thank you enough. So, just thank you. Thank you for loving me, accepting me, and more than anything knowing exactly who I am, how I think, how I feel, and being able to hold any secret I tell you. You are the greatest best friend a girl could ask for. In 2 weeks and 5 days, you will be here to visit...and Im as giddy as a schoolgirl. I just wish we didnt live 500 miles away from each other. AND, I wish our kids could grow up together. I love you. No friend will EVER be able to replace you. Theres so much history, some good, some bad with both of us....and we have held each other through it all. I will continue to do just that....as I know you will also.I gained so much more than a little dating relationship, and Im so grateful for that.

DJ-Since I dont really COUNT Angie as a girlfriend, you were my first REAL girlfriend....Hows that? I hope everyone understands that other than just me. You taught me everything I needed to know about sex with a woman. Thank you. I enjoyed spending all those all nighters with you. Im pretty sure that I have no sexual hangups or limits because of you. Thanks. Still, Im sorry I couldnt take all the fighting between us. The sex was great, but if we werent having sex we were fighting, and that isnt a relationship. Still, I enjoyed the good times. Im still glad I met you.

Tasha- You are the only person to ever break up with me, and you did it on Christmas Eve of all days. Then, you wanted to remain friends. Well, we did. Besides, our first date was a strip club....that should have told me something, but there was something about you that i wanted badly...and it definitely wasnt the uniform. In April, we got back together, and remained together for four years until you wanted me to leave again. Then, you had an affair. I had an affair. I guess a breakup was inevitable. Im really sorry about that affair, but I swear i learned soooo much from it. I think you did too.

Mindy- I found a letter I wrote to you today in my things. I wont type it out but Ill make it quick and simple. I loved you. I truly loved you. I would have married you. I would have been so good to you. Over the years, we have constantly said that if we were ever out of our respective relationships, we would be together. I believed that you loved me as much as I loved you. You hung the moon for me. I was your sunshine. I believed all your promises....or lies. We finally had that chance...and it isnt me you are with. I learned a lesson through it all. I finally figured out 'The Reason". Even though I feel fucked over and lied to by you, I cant not say that I dont love you. I do. I still love you with all my heart. Afterall, "Real Love Is Forever". Still, any chance of us ever being together after all this is gone. There is nothing you can do to ever allow those same feelings to resurface. I hope you find a love that will be as great to you as I would have been, and a bootie call when you need it. In the future, don't lead on the people who really did love you unconditionally.

Tasha- We got back together again. It lasted a while before you decided that a 18 year old girl would be a better mate for you than someone your own age. It took me a long time to get over it. I never stopped loving you, but I started hating you too. I hated that you would choose someone so much younger over me who you have had so much together with. Yet, you did. So, you ended our relationship again. I healed. I was lucky enough to find an awesome girl that I would have never thought existed.

Julia- Im sorry I broke up with you to go back to Tasha, but my favorite author wrote a book that has given me so much knowledge and insight into love. I talked to my mother about what to do, and she simple told me her favorite part of that book, "A Southern man always goes home to his family". So, I went back to Tasha, and we are still okay. Still, you rocked my world. I was planning on asking you to marry me right before I broke up with you. I really did love you. Im glad we continued our friendship, and I hope that you live a happy, full life....and Im sure you will. Youre one hell of a catch if I say so myself.

Tasha- I left one of the most amazing relationships I have had in order to come back to you because you cried and begged me to leave her in Wal-mart of all places. Of course, you did this as I was finally really getting over you, and then all the love just swam right back in my heart, and I did it. I came back to you. Im still here years later. We now own our 2nd house. We are attempting a 2nd child. I hope that we are two old women in our rocking chairs on the front porch sipping sweet tea on a hot summer night. I dont think I need to even say I love you. I think you know it. Weve been through hell and back, and its been rough, but I wouldnt change a thing. I look forward to forever with you. Still, my promise holds true...should we break up....You will NEVER get another chance, but I will forever and always love you!

To the hookups that I didnt really date- Thanks for the fun.