RIP Peter Steele

There is so much to say. I have been going through some of the toughest trials and tribulations one can possibly endure. I want to talk about it. i want to write about it, but I can't. It remains my secret, known only to my closest friends. That is all I want to say about this situation right now, but know that life is not easy at the moment. Im confused. Im scared. And, most of all Im insecure, and none of these things are personality traits of who I am as a person. I'm actually the complete opposite of all those, so its tough to be in unfamiliar territory scared to death.

In 1997, I had sex with a woman for the first time. She came to my house, and put on a song that I had never heard before. The song was "Love ya to Death" by Type O Negative. She danced in a complete white outfit in the middle of my living room to that song. I will never forget the imagery that such a single dance can conjure up inside my head whenever I hear that song. When I did have sex with a female for the first time, the album "Bloody Kisses" was Type O Negative was playing the whole time.

My first lap dance ever was given while the song "Christian Woman" by Type O Negative played.

A painting that I cherish that my child's father painted hangs in her bedroom, and every time I look at it, I remember that the albums "October Rust" and "Bloody Kisses" by Type O Negative were the only albums played while it was being painted.

All of these events are special because they occurred when I hopped onto a "Runaway Train" to Cleveland, Ohio trying to escape my sister's suicide. I found Type O Negative while living in Cleveland, and it healed me a little on the inside. Not a day went by when I didn't play their album. I even got to see them at Ozzfest in 1998 (I think). And, I'm so glad that I can say that as now many people will never be able to say that.

Type O Negative's lead singer died today at age 48 from heart issues. To hear that Peter Steele has died has devastated me because I feel like a part of me died too. This band was there for me. This band approved of my sexuality. I got all my experience while listening to them. I like to say I became gay listening to Type O Negative. I wonder if my homosexuality will die along with him. I wonder if it is a sign.

There's a lot more to say....just I can't say it right now. So, Im just going to give my most heartfelt goodbye to Peter Steele, and thank him for all the time we spent together even if it was just through music. RIP.

Yes, I know that I am cryptic.